A school bus driver in Florida parked a bus full of kids on the railroad tracks to try to get them to shut up. According to the article that I linked to, she was transferred instead of fired.
I'm trying to look at this in a positive way:
1. Every mentally stable person with a Florida CDL is gainfully employed in spite of the recession. There are so many driving jobs in the Sunshine state that psychotic bus drivers can find work.
2. Her employer is willing to give her a fair hearing in case the kids, the other drivers, and the security tapes are lying.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Great Debate '08
NOTE: Gloria and I wrote this script. It is a fictional debate between three candidates running for US Senate. We're not trying to make any statement with this, we just wanted to make something that every adult, regardless of political affiliation can laugh at. We filmed it, but the person who was supposed to edit it has not returned my phone calls or emails. Nobody is going to care about this a month from now, so I'm posting it now.
PARENTAL NOTICE: If you have kids, you shouldn't be leaving them alone with the computer, dumbass!
Welcome to Great Debate 08. I’m your moderator, Sandra Finn-Burke.
This year is shaping up to be one of the most politically-charged in history. This year, three candidates will be on the ballot for the race for Senator: Democrat Congressman Jane Cranston, Republican Governor Blake Jakewood, and Green Party candidate Aquarius Mustafa Ahmed Fletcher. The debate will start with a question and answer session, ranging on a number of topics concerning voters.
We’ll start with Governor Jakewood, then go to Mr. Cranston and then to Ms. Fletcher.
MODERATOR: Would you oppose or oppose the confirmation of a Supreme Court nominee based on his or her stance on the death penalty?
JAKEWOOD: As a fiscal conservative, I support capital punishment. It’s cheaper to lethally inject a terrorist than it is to clothe and feed him for the rest of his life.
FLECTHER: Actually the appeals process in a death penalty case costs more than the cost of keeping someone in prison for the rest of their life.
CRANSTON: That pagan tofu eater is right! Which is why the death penalty needs to pay for itself. I have just three words for you: Pay-per-view! You’ve heard about Superbowl parties. How about inviting all you buddies over for an “Osama Gets the Needle Party”.
JAKEWOOD: Awesome! (high fives Cranston while Fletcher fumes.)
MODERATOR: Do you feel that your family life makes you more qualified to serve in office than your opponents?
JAKEWOOD: My opponent says he puts his family first. I put my state, and my nation first! There are 6 million residents in this state, and 300 million in this nation, but only 4 in my family. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. When my 16 year old tried to hang herself and had a miscarriage, I was making sure the new stadium got built.
CRANSTON: Governor Jakewood believes marriage should be between one man, one woman, and one secretary.
JAKEWOOD: Hey! What Miss Ipsen does in her free time is none of my business, none of your business, and none of that nosy dry cleaner’s business. But I do wish to stress that I support Ms.Fletcher’s right to get married to her life partner.
FLECTHER: Actually I don’t believe in marriage at all. Keep in mind that this campaign has lasted longer than Governor Jakewood’s first marriage. I was handfasted in a Druidic ceremony during the equinox.
MODERATOR: Would you be in favor of expanding the federal government’s role in providing health care?
JAKEWOOD: Believe me when I say that you do NOT want politicians like Congressman Cranston, Miss Fletcher, or even me managing something as important and complicated as healthcare. Hell, we can’t even keep the roads paved, and you want us to oversee your cancer treatments?
CRANSTON: We need to provide free medicine to those who need it most. Like free penicillin to all of Jakewood’s girlfriends.
FLECTHER: We need to abolish Western medicine altogether. Antibiotics defy the will of Gaia, the Earth spirit.
MODERATOR: Do you favor keeping our troops in Iraq? If so, now that Saddam Hussein is dead and no WMD have been found, what would be the military’s objective?
JAKEWOOD: I support smaller government, and I support the president’s policy of outsourcing the war to private contractors. Government is by its very nature inefficient. In fact, the only enemies our government was ever able to defeat in war were other governments. We beat Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan, but we couldn’t handle a bunch of guys in black pajamas. So we really need to turn to the private sector for this current conflict. The best part is that no more of our soldiers will die. That will give those hippie protesters one less thing to bitch about.
MODERATOR: But wouldn’t that mean that those contractors would suffer casualties instead?
JAKEWOOD: Sure, but nobody gives a shit about security contractors. They’re like the red shirted guys on Star Trek.
CRANSTON: They’re more like temps with assault rifles. They all know they’ll be downsized when the war is over. That’s why its taking so long. In fact I can’t help but notice that the initial invasion went much more smoothly than the occupation. I propose that we withdraw now, and simply re-invade every six months.
FLECTHER: We need to redeploy our forces to stop the human rights abuses in Darfur, Tibet, and Burma. Iraq is so 5 minutes ago.
MODERATOR: Many consider the 13 million undocumented workers in the US to be a threat to the rule of law in this country. Would you be in favor of reforming immigration policy to make compliance with the law easier? Also would be you be in favor of stricter enforcement of existing laws?
FLECTHER: When these people sneak in and break immigration laws, they are really just trying to fit in. This is America. Everybody breaks the law.
JAKEWOOD: Let’s think outside the box for a moment. These people are willing to risk their lives to live here, and they are really good at sneaking in. We could put them to good use.
CRANSTON: You want to put them in the military?
JAKEWOOD: No, because then we would have to pay them. Next time we have a dispute with the Chinese, they’ll wake up one morning to find all their sneaker factory jobs have been taken by Mexicans.
CRANSTON: I am concerned about protecting the jobs of hard working Americans..oh who the fuck am I kidding. You all are a bunch of lazy shits! Most of you don’t even bother to vote! The only people watching this are drunk frat boys who take a shot every time someone says the word “economy”.
JAKEWOOD: Economy, economy, economy-
CRANSTON: Stop that! You’ll kill them!
(Test Pattern, roll credits).
PARENTAL NOTICE: If you have kids, you shouldn't be leaving them alone with the computer, dumbass!
Welcome to Great Debate 08. I’m your moderator, Sandra Finn-Burke.
This year is shaping up to be one of the most politically-charged in history. This year, three candidates will be on the ballot for the race for Senator: Democrat Congressman Jane Cranston, Republican Governor Blake Jakewood, and Green Party candidate Aquarius Mustafa Ahmed Fletcher. The debate will start with a question and answer session, ranging on a number of topics concerning voters.
We’ll start with Governor Jakewood, then go to Mr. Cranston and then to Ms. Fletcher.
MODERATOR: Would you oppose or oppose the confirmation of a Supreme Court nominee based on his or her stance on the death penalty?
JAKEWOOD: As a fiscal conservative, I support capital punishment. It’s cheaper to lethally inject a terrorist than it is to clothe and feed him for the rest of his life.
FLECTHER: Actually the appeals process in a death penalty case costs more than the cost of keeping someone in prison for the rest of their life.
CRANSTON: That pagan tofu eater is right! Which is why the death penalty needs to pay for itself. I have just three words for you: Pay-per-view! You’ve heard about Superbowl parties. How about inviting all you buddies over for an “Osama Gets the Needle Party”.
JAKEWOOD: Awesome! (high fives Cranston while Fletcher fumes.)
MODERATOR: Do you feel that your family life makes you more qualified to serve in office than your opponents?
JAKEWOOD: My opponent says he puts his family first. I put my state, and my nation first! There are 6 million residents in this state, and 300 million in this nation, but only 4 in my family. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. When my 16 year old tried to hang herself and had a miscarriage, I was making sure the new stadium got built.
CRANSTON: Governor Jakewood believes marriage should be between one man, one woman, and one secretary.
JAKEWOOD: Hey! What Miss Ipsen does in her free time is none of my business, none of your business, and none of that nosy dry cleaner’s business. But I do wish to stress that I support Ms.Fletcher’s right to get married to her life partner.
FLECTHER: Actually I don’t believe in marriage at all. Keep in mind that this campaign has lasted longer than Governor Jakewood’s first marriage. I was handfasted in a Druidic ceremony during the equinox.
MODERATOR: Would you be in favor of expanding the federal government’s role in providing health care?
JAKEWOOD: Believe me when I say that you do NOT want politicians like Congressman Cranston, Miss Fletcher, or even me managing something as important and complicated as healthcare. Hell, we can’t even keep the roads paved, and you want us to oversee your cancer treatments?
CRANSTON: We need to provide free medicine to those who need it most. Like free penicillin to all of Jakewood’s girlfriends.
FLECTHER: We need to abolish Western medicine altogether. Antibiotics defy the will of Gaia, the Earth spirit.
MODERATOR: Do you favor keeping our troops in Iraq? If so, now that Saddam Hussein is dead and no WMD have been found, what would be the military’s objective?
JAKEWOOD: I support smaller government, and I support the president’s policy of outsourcing the war to private contractors. Government is by its very nature inefficient. In fact, the only enemies our government was ever able to defeat in war were other governments. We beat Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan, but we couldn’t handle a bunch of guys in black pajamas. So we really need to turn to the private sector for this current conflict. The best part is that no more of our soldiers will die. That will give those hippie protesters one less thing to bitch about.
MODERATOR: But wouldn’t that mean that those contractors would suffer casualties instead?
JAKEWOOD: Sure, but nobody gives a shit about security contractors. They’re like the red shirted guys on Star Trek.
CRANSTON: They’re more like temps with assault rifles. They all know they’ll be downsized when the war is over. That’s why its taking so long. In fact I can’t help but notice that the initial invasion went much more smoothly than the occupation. I propose that we withdraw now, and simply re-invade every six months.
FLECTHER: We need to redeploy our forces to stop the human rights abuses in Darfur, Tibet, and Burma. Iraq is so 5 minutes ago.
MODERATOR: Many consider the 13 million undocumented workers in the US to be a threat to the rule of law in this country. Would you be in favor of reforming immigration policy to make compliance with the law easier? Also would be you be in favor of stricter enforcement of existing laws?
FLECTHER: When these people sneak in and break immigration laws, they are really just trying to fit in. This is America. Everybody breaks the law.
JAKEWOOD: Let’s think outside the box for a moment. These people are willing to risk their lives to live here, and they are really good at sneaking in. We could put them to good use.
CRANSTON: You want to put them in the military?
JAKEWOOD: No, because then we would have to pay them. Next time we have a dispute with the Chinese, they’ll wake up one morning to find all their sneaker factory jobs have been taken by Mexicans.
CRANSTON: I am concerned about protecting the jobs of hard working Americans..oh who the fuck am I kidding. You all are a bunch of lazy shits! Most of you don’t even bother to vote! The only people watching this are drunk frat boys who take a shot every time someone says the word “economy”.
JAKEWOOD: Economy, economy, economy-
CRANSTON: Stop that! You’ll kill them!
(Test Pattern, roll credits).
Thursday, September 04, 2008
SCAM ALERT!
This evening the phone rang and the caller ID read "Unknown Caller/Unknown Number". The caller said he was calling on behalf of Comcast, that my bill was past due, and I was scheduled for service interruption. I told him that I would call back and pay my bill. He said that I had until the 8th to pay it. I went online and confirmed that my bill had been already been paid electronically. I will call Comcast in the morning to confirm that there has not been a mistake made on their part and to tell them to alert other Comcast customers.
BBQ Sauce rant
I like spicy food. I like sweet stuff as well. But the two do not belong together. It would be like if Eminem appeared on Sesame Street. (“Ok kids, what does “F” stand for?”)
I don’t buy barbecue sauce much any more for that reason. I just bought a bottle of Hot and Spicy KC Masterpiece. The letters outlined in red led me to believe that this would be exceptionally spicy. But it actually tasted more sweet than anything else. After checking the label (which I should have done in the first place), I found that a 35 gram serving contains 9 grams of sugar. More than a forth of the bottle’s contents is sugar! I might as well put Tabasco sauce on some Frosted Flakes for the same flavor.
I don’t buy barbecue sauce much any more for that reason. I just bought a bottle of Hot and Spicy KC Masterpiece. The letters outlined in red led me to believe that this would be exceptionally spicy. But it actually tasted more sweet than anything else. After checking the label (which I should have done in the first place), I found that a 35 gram serving contains 9 grams of sugar. More than a forth of the bottle’s contents is sugar! I might as well put Tabasco sauce on some Frosted Flakes for the same flavor.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Memo to the crew
You are all aware of several instances in which senior officers, including myself, were trapped inside the holodeck and placed in mortal danger by holograms run amok. To correct these malfunctions, Mr. LaForge has downloaded the most recent HoloWindows patch. McWalbucksoft Corporation has promised that this latest upgrade will fix the problem. Even though this sort of thing has happened on multiple occasions in the past, I am certain that it will not happen again. So I decided to reopen the holodeck.
On a related note, please clean up the holodeck when you are done with it. I don’t know or care what you do in there, but Mr. LaForge has had to replace several holoemitters when they became sticky. Remember that when the holodeck is turned off, only the holograms disappear. Anything that you put on or inside of your holographic girlfriend, imzadi, moogie, or whatever you call her will still be there and will fall straight to the floor.
On a related note, please clean up the holodeck when you are done with it. I don’t know or care what you do in there, but Mr. LaForge has had to replace several holoemitters when they became sticky. Remember that when the holodeck is turned off, only the holograms disappear. Anything that you put on or inside of your holographic girlfriend, imzadi, moogie, or whatever you call her will still be there and will fall straight to the floor.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Madden 09
I love playing Madden football. The game involves both strategy and skill, to the extent that good strategy can make up for bad skills and vice versa.
Today I finally beat Robert Fuller for the first time since the new version came out this month. He kept beating me so many times that I had to switch from playing with the Bears and started using the Patriots. Fuller, as always, plays with the Saints. In the game that we played yesterday, I threw to Randy Moss for two touchdowns, so he had to figure out how to cover him and shut him down.
By the fourth quarter, I’m up by three and I have the ball. I try to run out the clock, but I end up 3rd down, 11 yards to go, and there is still over a minute left on the clock. All Fuller needs is a field goal to take the game into OT, or a touchdown for the win. I really do not want him to get the ball back, because all it would take is for him to get lucky or me to screw up and he wins. So I try a play action pass, but he doesn’t fall for it and knocks the ball down.
But wait! The ref calls the Saints defense for roughing the passer. One of his AI controlled players had knocked Tom Brady over after he threw the ball. 15 yard penalty. Automatic 1st down. This had Fuller screaming at the TV. After a couple kneel downs, the game was over.
I played another online game against some newbie Dallas Cowboys fan. I beat this kid 28 to 21, but I should have beat him 34 to 7. He kept calling dime and quarter plays when it should have been obvious that I was trying to run out the clock. But he came closer to winning than he should have. After I scored a touchdown in the fourth quarter, putting me ahead 28 to 7, he wanted to quit. I told him that he still had time to catch up. After I kicked the ball off, he ran it all the way back for the touchdown. Then he tried for the onside kick. I recovered it, then sat on the ball.
28 to 21. I demand a rematch. With his play calling, that should have been a blowout.
Today I finally beat Robert Fuller for the first time since the new version came out this month. He kept beating me so many times that I had to switch from playing with the Bears and started using the Patriots. Fuller, as always, plays with the Saints. In the game that we played yesterday, I threw to Randy Moss for two touchdowns, so he had to figure out how to cover him and shut him down.
By the fourth quarter, I’m up by three and I have the ball. I try to run out the clock, but I end up 3rd down, 11 yards to go, and there is still over a minute left on the clock. All Fuller needs is a field goal to take the game into OT, or a touchdown for the win. I really do not want him to get the ball back, because all it would take is for him to get lucky or me to screw up and he wins. So I try a play action pass, but he doesn’t fall for it and knocks the ball down.
But wait! The ref calls the Saints defense for roughing the passer. One of his AI controlled players had knocked Tom Brady over after he threw the ball. 15 yard penalty. Automatic 1st down. This had Fuller screaming at the TV. After a couple kneel downs, the game was over.
I played another online game against some newbie Dallas Cowboys fan. I beat this kid 28 to 21, but I should have beat him 34 to 7. He kept calling dime and quarter plays when it should have been obvious that I was trying to run out the clock. But he came closer to winning than he should have. After I scored a touchdown in the fourth quarter, putting me ahead 28 to 7, he wanted to quit. I told him that he still had time to catch up. After I kicked the ball off, he ran it all the way back for the touchdown. Then he tried for the onside kick. I recovered it, then sat on the ball.
28 to 21. I demand a rematch. With his play calling, that should have been a blowout.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Dumbest Generation?
I really think that this is unfair. Every generation has new information that they need to know that the previous generation could not have known about. Human brains do not get bigger with each generation, so some information must be lost in order to make room for the information gained. Grandpa knew how to tune a carburetor, but he never learned how to install a CD-ROM drive. Today, every new PC has a CD or DVD-ROM drive, but no new car has a carburetor. So I will never bother to learn how to tune that car part from the past, but I do know how upgrade my computer.
Mark Bauerlein notes that though young people enjoy access to a wide wealth of information via the Internet, we still don't know important facts about history. He laments that many young people do not know that the US and USSR were allies during World War II. But Albert Einstein once said "Never memorize what you can look up in books." In his day, obtaining information often required a trip to the library. Today, all I have to look it up online. The only information I really need to remember is whatever is relevant to my day to day life.
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