Thursday, March 22, 2007

The Future of Death Notification

While Rumsfeld has been criticised for using a autopen on death notices to families, mass casualties in future conflicts may require a more efficient process:
Dear Sir/Madam/(other)Starfleet Command regrets to inform you that your (check one)
_evil goateed version from mirror universe
_transporter duplicate
has been tragically (check one)
_turned into little white cube and crushed.
_sucked into space through airlock.
_sucked into space through hull breach.
_sucked into space through shuttle bay doors.
_beamed into space.
_beamed into solid object.
_burned up in re-entry.
_burned up in a star's corona.
_hacked to bits by deranged crewmate.
_de-evolved into some kind of fish, then suffocated from lack of water.
_turned up missing somewhere in this big damn universe.
_issued a red shirt, so we're sending this in advance, just in case.
_part of the few whose needs were outweighed by the needs of the many.
_gloriously entered the gates of Sto' vo' Kor.
In the past, this notice would have been accompanied by a large check. But since there is no money anymore in our progressive utopian Federation, enjoy this cheesy little glass thing that has a dinky hologram of your loved one.

1 comment:

  1. Totally funny!!! But I need to figure out who to leave my cheesy, little glass thing with my hologram to. Decisions, decisions...