Saturday, December 02, 2017

Writing FAQ's

Frequently asked writing questions:
Q: How do I get published?
A: Write something, then get it published.
Q: I already wrote something.
A: That′s nice. Now edit it.
Q: Already did that too.
A: Very nice. If it′s a short story, find a literary magazine and follow the submission guidelines. If it′s a novel, find an agent and follow their query guidelines. If you can′t find an agent, find a publisher who accepts unagented submissions and follow their guidelines. If you can′t find a publisher, use Createspace or Amazon KDP to self publish.
Q: How long should a chapter be?
A: As long or as short as it has to be. It can be one page long or even shorter. (If all your chapters are one page long, you probably aren′t trying.)
Q: Does anyone here want to be my co-author?
A: No. Ask someone you know to help you. If you don′t know anyone, learn to network more.
Q: I am a man. How do I create a female character?
A: Imagine a male character with breasts and no penis. Consider changing the hair and clothes.
Q: I am a woman. How do I create a male character?
A: Imagine a flat-chested butch lesbian with a penis who can lift heavy objects.
Q: What does a penis got to do with anything?
A: Absolutely nothing, unless you are showing your character having sex or going to the bathroom. Seriously, most of the things a man can do in a story, a woman can do as well. And this is fiction writing, so if you want to show a man giving birth or a woman commanding the 104th Terror Legion, go right ahead.
Q: How do I write a book?
A: Start by reading a book. Then read another. And then another. Now imagine the people who first typed those books and try doing what they did.
Q: How do I beat writer′s block?

A: Stay off Facebook for a couple days. Start working on the part of the story that you really want to be working on, even if you haven′t got that far yet. Or start working on a different story that you like better. The point is to keep writing as much as you can, for as long as you can.

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