Friday, August 19, 2005

Latest news report from BSN "The 'N' stands for 'News'!"
Allah, the deity revered by all Muslims world wide, was apprehended infront of a mosque in Basra a month ago, according to a recentlydeclassified report. His prophets, including Abraham, Moses, Jesus,and Mohammed, are all believed to be dead.Allah is allegedly responsible for numerous plagues, wars, and thecreation of the universe. He is currently being held at the naval brigat Guantanimo Bay, Cuba.He is alleged to have several aliases including God, Lord, Yahwell,Jehovah, Gott, and Dios.
There are many conflicting reports on this person. Former Deputy Prime Minister Tariq Aziz has even claimed thathe has a son, though most captured officials from the former regime denythis. He is believed to occasionally take the form of George Burn orAlanis Morrisette.An anonymous Marine NCO posted at the naval base commented on themilitary's attempt to confine an omnipotent being."We took a suggestion from the Kansas state board of education. We'veplaced copies of 'On Origins of Species' around the facility. The bookhas been credited with keeping God out of schools, so we hope that itwill keep Him in jail."
Allah’s spokesman, the Arch Angel Michael, also known as “Mecca Mike” made a statement. "By what ever name you know Him, He is very pissed off at all 6,128,725,923 of you assholes. Wait, make that 6,128,725,926. Some lady in Calcutta had triplets."

1 comment:

  1. If this is true, why haven't I read about it in The Onion? Oh, yeah - that's why.