Rivertown

Some Xbox Kinect games will show you footage of yourself playing the game after every session. It's like the console is making fun of you for owning it. I look like Jabba the Hutt having a seizure when I play.

WoW, this game sucks

World of Warcraft sucks. At least with a first person shooter or a sports game, a beginning player at least has a chance of success against someone with experience. But with WoW, you have to play the game all the damn time just to be an average player. Grinding, leveling up, and gold farming are all things that sound more like work than play.

No, I haven't tried the game. Just like with heroin, I don't need to try it to know that it's bad for me. I just need to see what it does to other people. Although I suspect that is why heroin and World of Warcraft are so popular. People hear about the lengths that addicts and players go to get their fix or complete a quest, they hear about how people destroy their lives in the process, and they think "Wow, if they are are willing to put themselves through all that, it must really be fun!"

Rivertown

See, this is one of the biggest difference between first person shooters and actual combat. I know a lot of veterans, and none of them have admitted that they tried to stab someone with a grenade. It happens a lot in "Battlefield", though.

Baseball season

Baseball is about tradition. I like teams that stay in the same venue. Over the past century, nations have risen and fallen, football's rules have evolved, and yet the Cubs remain at Wrigley Field.

Drive past the local ballpark around here, and you see a mutant apple logo on a animated billboard that's larger than my car. If I wanted electronic splash and dash, I'd stay home and play video games.

Come to think of it, electronic splash and dash is exactly what I want. So I will stay home and play Modern Warfare 2, which I would imagine is more fun and less expensive than a real war.

The ads for the local team say "Play Downtown." Unless they are holding tryouts for the team, this is misleading. They should say "Sit On Your Fat Ass And Watch Other People Play Downtown."

Madden 09

I love playing Madden football. The game involves both strategy and skill, to the extent that good strategy can make up for bad skills and vice versa.

Today I finally beat Robert Fuller for the first time since the new version came out this month. He kept beating me so many times that I had to switch from playing with the Bears and started using the Patriots. Fuller, as always, plays with the Saints. In the game that we played yesterday, I threw to Randy Moss for two touchdowns, so he had to figure out how to cover him and shut him down.

By the fourth quarter, I’m up by three and I have the ball. I try to run out the clock, but I end up 3rd down, 11 yards to go, and there is still over a minute left on the clock. All Fuller needs is a field goal to take the game into OT, or a touchdown for the win. I really do not want him to get the ball back, because all it would take is for him to get lucky or me to screw up and he wins. So I try a play action pass, but he doesn’t fall for it and knocks the ball down.

But wait! The ref calls the Saints defense for roughing the passer. One of his AI controlled players had knocked Tom Brady over after he threw the ball. 15 yard penalty. Automatic 1st down. This had Fuller screaming at the TV. After a couple kneel downs, the game was over.

I played another online game against some newbie Dallas Cowboys fan. I beat this kid 28 to 21, but I should have beat him 34 to 7. He kept calling dime and quarter plays when it should have been obvious that I was trying to run out the clock. But he came closer to winning than he should have. After I scored a touchdown in the fourth quarter, putting me ahead 28 to 7, he wanted to quit. I told him that he still had time to catch up. After I kicked the ball off, he ran it all the way back for the touchdown. Then he tried for the onside kick. I recovered it, then sat on the ball.

28 to 21. I demand a rematch. With his play calling, that should have been a blowout.

How video games could prevent violence

Violent video games cannot possibly lead to real violence. Real violence requires time and effort. You actually have to get off the couch and possibly go outside to kill somebody. Perhaps we should encourage violent, sociopathic types to spend as much time in front of a TV screen as possible. That way, on the day that they finally do snap, they will be so out of shape that it will be easier for the rest of us to outrun them. Plus they will have gained so much weight that they'll make bigger targets for the police.