Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Rivertown

Somebody try this and tell me if it works. I'm pretty sure your wife doesn't read this blog.

Friday, May 25, 2012

What's really going on in the "Call Me Maybe" video?

WARNING: You don't actually have to listen to this video. Turn the sound off if you don't want this song in your head. The refrain of this song is puzzling:
Hey I just met you/ And this is crazy/ But here's my number
Why would a woman in a modern Western country give her number to a stranger? Why not give him an email address, just to play it safe? Some might think that she's acting on impulse. But giving your home number away to someone with a poetry tattoo is like sticking your face into spinning lawnmower blades: no matter how lonely and desperate you are, it's not something that you should even be tempted to do. My hypothesis is that Miss Jepsen is being held captive in this video, and her captors have denied her Internet access. All she has is a phone that has the "9" and the "1" buttons removed.

 At the start of the video, we see her gazing at the man mowing grass next door. She's fascinated because it's the first new face she's seen in months. Why is she so eager to give her number away to a man who lives next door? Can't she go over and talk to him when ever she wants? Judging by her pale complexion, she rarely goes outside.

 When we see what happens at 1:05, we begin to learn more about her situation. Her captors force her to wash a car against her will. She doesn't run away or seek help: a classic sign of Stockholm Syndrome. Instead she washes the car as ordered. But she cries for help in the only way she knows how, by attempting to seduce the tattooed neighbor. She quickly loses consciousness due to a combination of exertion and malnutrition.

 At 3:01, the tattoo guy approaches Carly's captors. He's smiling because he knows exactly what's going on. He gives the guy in the hat his number. The hat guy has a look of despair because the number contains a "1". In case any of you have any doubt, answer me this: If Carly is a person who is free to make her own choices, then why is she wearing those ugly brown wedges?

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Rivertown

I'm thinking of going back to Blogger. Tumblr won't let me do ads. Google on the other hand, knows what drives the Internet.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Mylife.com ads

It's bizarre that all the women in these commercials are excited to find out that people are conducting internet searches for them. Only on TV commercials are women always excited to find out that they are pregnant and have someone searching for them online. Somebody who hasn't seen you in years and yet is fixated on you. Of course they want to know who it is. Will these women be disappointed if the guy who is looking for them is not someone with a giant novelty prize check?

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Rivertown


Fun with Fiat commercials

This video shows Charlie Sheen driving a motor vehicle indoors. This type of behavior can lead to carbon monoxide poisoning, which can lead to brain damage, which answers a lot of questions. With all the alimony that Jennifer Lopez pays, this is the best car she can afford.

Wednesday, May 09, 2012

Overthinking the movie "Ted" and "Family Guy"

I notice that in this movie and Family Guy, there will be male talking animals in relationships with human females. For example, Brian the Dog and Jillian the Human were together for a few episodes. I see it, and I know it's a cartoon, so I just get over it. But this Ted movie is live action, and we see human actresses flirting with a goddamned stuffed animal. Yes, this movie sort of falls into the fantasy genre, since teddy bears don't sound like Peter Griffin in real life. But generally, people are still people in fantasy and science fiction. Humans will shack up with aliens on Star Trek and even have kids, but at least Vulcans look enough like humans that one could see the attraction. But Ted is a piece of cloth with cotton and/or polyester stuffing who works a dead end job, is addicted to drugs, and has no genitals.