Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Special Report


Allah, the deity revered by all Muslims world wide, was apprehended in
front of a mosque in Basra a month ago, according to a recently
declassified report. His prophets, including Abraham, Moses, Jesus,
and Mohammed, are all believed to be dead.

Allah is allegedly responsible for numerous plagues, wars, and the
creation of the universe. He is currently being held at the detention facility
at Guantanimo Bay, Cuba.

He is alleged to have several aliases including God, Lord, Yahwell,
Jehovah, Gott, and Dios. There are many conflicting reports on this
person. He is believed to occasionally take the form of George Burns or
Alanis Morrisette.

An anonymous Marine NCO posted at the naval base commented on the
military's attempt to confine an omnipotent being.

"We took a suggestion from the Kansas state board of education. We've
placed copies of 'On Origins of Species' around the facility. The book
has been credited with keeping God out of schools, so we hope that it
will keep Him in jail."

Allah’s spokesman, the Arch Angel Michael, also known as “Mecca Mike”
made a statement. "By what ever name you know Him, He is very pissed off at all 7,128,725,923 of you assholes. Wait, make that 7,128,725,926. Some lady in Calcutta had triplets."